


Standing in front of you like this

by Sevnaria



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: But he might still come around, Canon Compliant, Changing POVs, Coming Out, Eventual Relationships, Haknyeon is the bad guy, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Kinda, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevnaria/pseuds/Sevnaria
Summary: This is the story about 3 boyz (I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist)Jacob is comfortable with himself and all he wants is for his members to be as well, even after they know everything.Juyeon is not comfortable with himself and isn't handling it well.Haknyeon is very uncomfortable with the whole situation and lets everyone know.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	1. Jacob & Haknyeon

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to point out that Haknyeon has some pretty toxic ideas on homosexuality built on ridiculous stereotypes that I in no way support. It's just there for the sake of the story.
> 
> The title is taken from the lyrics of "Boy"

Deciding to tell Kevin is easy. They’ve discussed the subject in general enough times for Jacob to know that his fellow Canadian is more open-minded than most. Admittedly, he is still a little nervous when they’re sitting next to each other watching a movie in Jacob’s room and he suddenly blurts it out, completely taking himself by surprise. The fact that Kevin doesn’t hear him over the movie and has to pause and ask him to repeat himself doesn’t make it better. But he takes a breath and tells him again. 

Kevin doesn’t really make a big deal out of it, just tells Jacob that he thinks it’s “cool” and then unpauses the movie. A feeling of dismissal sets in Jacob but then Kevin puts his arm around his shoulder and gives him a smile that almost looks proud, and everything’s alright in the world again. 

The next logical step is to tell Sangyeon and this time Jacob hesitates for a while. But he eventually figures the leader should know and since they share a room he’s grown comfortable with him and trusts him. He also believes he might understand and accept him.

Sangyeon does, and even though Jacob will deny it til the day he dies, he might have shed a tear or two when the other gives him a hug and tells him that he thinks it’s “more than okay”. 

Now Jacob begins thinking about how to tell the rest of the boys. This feels more risky since he doesn’t really know their feelings on the subject and although they are all close now, Jacob knows how fast things can change. 

Kevin and Sangyeon tell him not to rush anything if he’s not comfortable but they also assure him that they have his back no matter what. Kevin tells Jacob that he’s certain at least the majority of the others will be accepting and Jacob wishes that that would be enough for him. But he wants them all to tell him they’re okay with it, he doesn’t want to cause trouble for the team and disturb the relative peace of the dorm. 

In the end, the choice of how and when he comes out to the rest of his members gets taken away from him. 

This is how.

~~~

“-told him first but I want you to know too. I’m gay.”

Haknyeon’s fist freezes right before it can hit the door and he momentarily forgets how to function. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop but the door hadn’t been shut properly and for once the dorm was relatively quiet. Thus he manages to overhear Jacob and Sangyeon, the latter says something in reply that Haknyeon cannot comprehend right now. 

Jacob, gay? How is that even possible?

Haknyeon manages to recover ever so slightly from his shock, enough so that his legs regain the ability to move and he quietly walks away.

Once he’s back in his room, thankfully alone, he sits down and tries to make sense of what he’s just heard. He can’t quite understand it, Jacob just doesn’t seem the type, none of the members do. They’re all moderately interested in sports and don’t behave in an overly feminine manner. But maybe Jacob has been acting like the rest of them to avoid getting caught, maybe he’s been hiding his real feelings from the beginning. 

For a few minutes his thoughts go round in circles and Haknyeon isn’t sure what he’s feeling but then his mind finally settles. Betrayal and anger are most prominent and he wants to go and confront Jacob right away, wants him to explain how it’s all just a big misunderstanding. But he’s a little scared too, that Jacob will tell him that what he’d heard is true and that he really is gay. 

Then the door to his room yanks open and Hyunjae greets him as he plops down on his bed, not giving Haknyeon a second glance as he starts playing around on his phone.

Haknyeon decides to wait. He doesn’t know for what but he’s too frazzled to do anything right now and he needs time to think. 

~~~

A few weeks passes by and nothing really changes.

By now Haknyeon has concluded that what he heard was probably right and Jacob really is gay. He has been observing Jacob, waiting for him to slip up in some way and reveal his true identity. But he’s been behaving normally, annoyingly so. Haknyeon has made sure to always bring a new set of clothes with him when he takes a shower, so that he can change before leaving the bathroom and he’s encouraged the others to do the same. 

“Why?” Sunwoo asks, towel around his waist and shirtless as he walks towards his room and Haknyeon shares his advice.

He doesn’t know how to answer without revealing that he doesn’t want Sunwoo or anyone else to possibly fall victim to Jacob’s lustful gazes. So far, Haknyeon hasn’t actually witnessed any particular such gazes from Jacob but then again, he hasn’t had reasons to look for them earlier. 

Haknyeon doesn’t realize that the constant stress and tension is getting to him and that it’s only a matter of time before an eruption is due.

It happens only a few days later. 

They are all hanging out, having just eaten and agreed to watch a movie together. Somehow, Haknyeon ends up beside Jacob and as they all settle down he can feel the older lean against him. This is nothing out of the ordinary, they are all more or less touchy and if it would have happened a month earlier, Haknyeon would have thought nothing of it. 

But now his skin burns where it touches Jacob’s and he can’t focus on the movie at all. He endures it for about 15 minutes before he slowly inches away from the other. Unfortunately, Jacob doesn’t get the message and follows along, almost cuddling into Haknyeon, who quickly moves again. 

Jacob puts his head on Haknyeon’s shoulder and that’s what does it. The younger stands up and says, much louder and sharper than he meant; “don’t touch me”. 

He can practically feel everyone’s eyes on him and tries to think of an explanation for his reaction but comes up blank. 

“I’m sorry if I hurt you”, Jacob says, obviously not understanding the problem, which Haknyeon can’t really blame him for. 

But since he feels pressured to explain and can’t think of an excuse, what ends up coming out is the truth. 

“I don’t want to be touched by a homo.”

Dead silent.

Someone had apparently paused the movie earlier since Haknyeon can’t hear anything after his words. He doesn’t have time to reflect on what he’s done before he finds himself pushed up against the nearest wall, staring straight into Kevin’s face, which is contorted with rage. 

“What the fuck did you say”, Kevin hisses in English but Haknyeon understands. He starts to sputter out what might have been an answer but he’s cut off by a whisper. 

“How did you know?” 

He turns his head towards the couch where Jacob is still sitting, now with Sangyeon by his side, arms in a protective hold around him. 

“I heard you when you told Sangyeon”, Haknyeon says, still held against the wall by his shoulders. 

“Let go, Kevin”, the leader sounds tired and Kevin reluctantly listens. 

Haknyeon slumps down on the floor, leaning against the wall and he doesn’t know where to go from here. 

“Am I the only one who’s confused right now?” Eric pipes up and is immediately assured that he is not, by most of the others who have been watching the events unfold without understanding. 

Haknyeon doesn’t want to be there but Kevin is still standing next to him and he isn’t sure if he will be allowed to leave just yet. 

“It’s like you heard, I’m gay”, Jacob says. It’s barely there, but Haknyeon can hear the small tremor in his voice and realizes that Jacob is as scared as he is right now, if not more. 

“Anyone got a problem with that?” Kevin asks before glancing down at Haknyeon. “Anyone else, I mean.” 

“Of course not”, Eric says offended and turns to Jacob. “Surely you didn’t think I would mind?” 

Jacob silently reaches out a hand towards the maknae, who leaves the armchair he’d been occupying to latch onto him. 

“You know about my paper clip earring”, Sunwoo says with a smile. “It isn’t just for show you know.” 

The others are quick to assure Jacob that it’s alright and that they don’t have anything against him. Juyeon doesn’t say anything but just nods and no one thinks to question it, although Chanhee quietly puts a hand on his knee. 

Haknyeon, still remaining in the same position on the floor, notices with a start that he is the odd man out. No one else has had the same reaction as him, that it’s not right and that Jacob has been lying to them all this time. The jumbled mess inside him forms into two distinct feelings, fear and anger. Not the best combination for a sensible discussion and so it’s no surprise that that isn’t what takes place next.

“I don’t like it”, he mutters and slowly gets up on his feet. “And I don’t understand how you all can just accept this, as if one of our members hasn’t been lying to us and taken advantage of the fact that we didn’t know.”

Kevin takes a step towards him but again Sangyeon tells him to stop. 

“What are you saying?” The leader asks him, a tightness around his mouth. 

“I’m saying that I can’t believe you’re all willing to just say that this is okay and move on like nothing’s wrong”, Haknyeon huffs and starts backing away towards his room. 

“But nothing is wrong”, Chanhee speaks up. “You’re obviously not thinking clearly about this, cause if you were you would realize that Jacob is the same as he’s always been and this changes nothing.” 

“Changes nothing?” Haknyeon snorts and looks around the room. “So not one of you feel uncomfortable knowing that Jacob might have a crush on one of us, might take an extra look if we’re walking around shirtless or something.”

Jacob begins protesting, his slowly growing rage reaching its peak at the baseless accusations, but he can barely be heard over the shouts from some of the others. 

Kevin’s “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound right now?” and Younghoon’s “What is wrong with you?” are the only proper sentences he can pick out from the buzz but they’re enough to calm Jacob down. He’s not alone in this, he has his own defenders. 

But then he realizes that he doesn’t want to need defenders, not against one of his own members. This is exactly what he didn’t want, for his issues to come between them and cause disruption. 

“Hey”, he tries to get a word in but the heated arguments coming from all directions drowns him out. He repeats it again, almost screaming, and the others seem to notice that he has something to say. With all attention on him, Jacob clears his throat and turns to address Haknyeon directly. 

“I get that this might have come as a shock to you when you first heard it but let me make one thing clear. My sexuality has nothing to do with my place among you, I have never seen anyone here as anything more than a friend or perhaps even a brother of sorts. And I get that not everyone is cool with people being anything but straight but I ask that you keep those kind of opinions to yourself.”

Haknyeon starts to say something but Jacob raises a hand towards him to stop him from interrupting. 

“And if this means that you treat me differently, fine, just don’t seek out a fight.” He glances at the others. “No one should be arguing over this, it’s not worth it. Let’s just agree to disagree and leave it at that.”

There are murmurs throughout the room but Haknyeon just gives a small nod and quickly flees the room. He knows when he’s beat and he has to admit that Jacob has a point, it isn’t worth fighting over. Especially not when it’s painfully obvious that Haknyeon would be on the losing side. 

~~~

A few hours later, Jacob and Sangyeon are getting ready for bed, slipping under their covers and turning off the lights. They have practice in the morning and already know that they won’t get enough sleep, the discussion had dragged on for quite a while after Haknyeon left the room, in a kinder and more curious tone. 

“You awake?” Jacob whispers after a few minutes of silence. 

Sangyeon hums to show that he’s listening, stifling a yawn. 

“Thanks, for supporting me back there.”

“I didn’t do much”, Sangyeon responds. “I’m sorry about Haknyeon, I had no idea he would react like that.”

“No one could have predicted it, and I’m still thankful that everyone else were really nice about it. I guess you can’t win them all, but I just don’t want this to be a problem later on.” 

“I’ll do whatever I can to keep him in line and I think he’ll probably won’t do anything since he’s got everyone else against him if he does.” 

“I hope you’re right”, Jacob sighs and they bid each other good night before drifting off into a dreamland free of worries about the future.


	2. Juyeon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juyeon takes his first steps on the path towards self-discovery.
> 
> So far so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is before Jacob is outed by Haknyeon

There are some things Juyeon has never told anyone; that he was the one who really broke his mother’s expensive flower vase when he was younger and not his brother like he told his parents, that he’s watched Big Hero 6 a total of 19 times and cried every single time, and that he’s fairly certain that he isn’t completely straight. 

One of these things are not like the others. Like seriously, who cries to the same movie that many times, when you already know exactly what’s gonna happen?

Juyeon does, in the middle of the night when he can’t sleep, earphones in so he won’t wake his roommates. This is also the time of the day when he can browse the internet without being interrupted by anyone and so he can google whatever he wants and not having to worry about someone suddenly appearing and peaking over his shoulder. 

Not that he’s ever looking at any particularly suspicious sites or doing something wrong. He’s mostly browsing chat forums where he reads about people like him, who are questioning themselves and looking for guidance. There are those crushing on someone of the same gender for the first time, asking if that makes them gay. A lot of times Juyeon has seen girls or boys asking for advice on how to come out to their family and friends. And there are people not knowing exactly what they are or who they like, just that they don’t think they are straight, but something else. 

What amazes Juyeon most though are not the people asking or wondering, but those who come with answers, suggestions and help. Rarely does he read someone’s inquiry without there being some sort of response underneath it, some form of unconditional support. 

When Juyeon, after having spent several weeks lurking around on these forums, finally decides to add his own thoughts to the mix, he doesn’t hesitate. He’s hiding behind an anonymous username like everyone else (not putting much thought into it, he picks “Juju”) and he is hoping that one of the kind, wise people on the internet will find his question and take the time to answer it. He knows it probably won’t happen right away so he lets out a breath and goes to sleep, it’s late and they have practice as usual in the morning. 

Four days pass and then Juyeon is logging into his account on the forum where he made his post. As usual, it’s late and he’s the only one awake in their room, the other two letting out even, slow breaths a few meters away from him in the dark.

There’s a red exclamation mark in the upper right corner that lets Juyeon know that someone has answered him. He cannot click on it fast enough and then he’s reading through the lengthy reply, grateful that someone seems to sympathize with him. 

The person calls themselves “Indigo” and they seem really nice, telling Juyeon that what he’s feeling is perfectly normal and that there are plenty of people like him. This isn’t really news to Juyeon, seeing as he has read hundreds of posts like his before, but it’s still nice to hear it confirmed by someone else. 

Indigo goes on to tell Juyeon that questioning is something that everyone goes through, even if you're straight and cis (a quick search on google tells him what “cis” meant”), there might be things you don’t understand about yourself. Juyeon has never thought about it like that but he guesses it probably makes sense. He decides to send Indigo a private message, asking them if he can ask some more questions. 

He surprisingly receives an answer within minutes and Indigo sounds really happy to talk some more. Juyeon smiles as they start chatting and when he finally sneaks a glance at the time he finds that it’s much later than he thought. He tells Indigo that he has to go to sleep if he wants to survive the next day and they decide to talk some more later. 

Despite the lack of sleep, Juyeon is in a great mood the next day, already looking forward to the next time he can speak to his new internet friend. He doesn’t really know why he’s so excited, but he assumes part of it is because of how easy it is to talk to someone that doesn’t know who you are or how you look. All they know about you is what you yourself decide to share with them, and Juyeon finds that liberating. Especially when he spends all day every day being judged on the way he moves, the way he sounds and how he behaves. 

It’s all part of being an idol and Juyeon gets that, he chose that himself. But sometimes it’s just a little bit too much, a bit too close to exhausting and he almost forgets why he does it. Then he takes a look around at these amazing guys around him that are with him for the ride and he remembers that this is what he enjoys doing and that he’s not alone. 

He loves his members and he feels like he can be himself around them, but there are still things that he shares with Indigo that he’ll probably never tell them. Like the ongoing definition process regarding his sexuality. That is something reserved for strangers online, not people close to him that he couldn’t bear to disappoint or lose. Indigo is a safe haven, someone completely unrelated to his life offline. That much Juyeon is sure of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back after 53 years with an update, sorry it took me so long to get back into it, I lost my motivation for a while there. 
> 
> The name Indigo is shamelessly inspired by Blue from "Love, Simon" (if you haven't watched it, do it^^)
> 
> Anyway, this is a shorter chapter since I wanted to change POV after this and decided to do that in the next chapter. I will try to get it out as soon as possible.  
> In the meantime, stay safe out there and thank you for reading!


	3. Haknyeon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get a glimpse of Haknyeon's past, and his present self reflects upon the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for homophobic slurs

Haknyeon was eleven years old when he heard the word faggot for the first time. 

It had been a normal day at school and he had been wearing his new pink sweater that he’d gotten as a birthday gift from his mother. He loved that sweater instantly, the softness of the material made it feel like a constant hug, and he’d always liked pink. 

He loved that sweater right up until the moment an older boy in school smeared mashed potatoes all over the back of it during lunch and called Haknyeon a faggot before running off, laughing with his friends. 

Haknyeon had been young and ~~innocent~~ stupid, so he hadn’t known what the word meant. He tried asking his friends while they were helping him clean up but they had no idea either. 

So that night at the dinner table he asked his parents what it meant. His brother immediately choked on his food and his mother belatedly tried to cover his baby sister’s ears. His father got mad and asked him not to say such things and where had Haknyeon even gotten it from in the first place? He looked at Ukhyung but Haknyeon was quick to tell him that he hadn’t heard it from his brother. 

When Haknyeon had explained what had happened at school and shown the faded spots on his sweater, his dad deflated and he seemed sad rather than annoyed. He didn’t tell Haknyeon what the word meant but instead he suggested that Haknyeon only used his pink sweater while at home and perhaps he could join the soccer team or try out some other sport. 

Haknyeon had been confused but his brother had agreed with their father and despite still not knowing what a faggot was, he vowed never to be called it again. Because being a faggot was obviously something bad that he should stay as far away from as possible.

~~~

The dorm is quiet. 

Scratch that. 

The dorm is completely devoid of sound. 

Haknyeon can’t hear anything besides his breathing and the rustling from his sheets when he gets up from his bed, the usual ruckus has been missing for a while now. He doesn’t even know if anyone is home besides him, not that it matters. Even if someone would be home, they most likely wouldn’t talk to him. It had been like that for a few weeks, ever since he unintentionally outed Jacob in front of everyone. It hadn’t mattered that he didn’t mean to tell anyone, not after the statements he’d made after letting it slip out. 

It hadn’t mattered that Jacob had asked everyone not to fight over it and even made some efforts to treat Haknyeon like normal. 

Haknyeon knew he only had himself to blame, even if he still couldn’t understand how the others didn’t see the wrongness in all of it, that Jacob was something bad that shouldn’t be encouraged and supported. 

And so Haknyeon was fighting this battle alone, although at this point it felt more like a stalemate than anything. 

He tentatively opens the door to his room, Hyunjae has been rooming with Chanhee and Eric ever since that disastrous night and Haknyeon is starting to get sick of being isolated from everyone except for when they have practice.

He walks towards the kitchen and finds Sunwoo and Changmin there, they look up at his entrance and nod to greet him before resuming their conversation. Haknyeon pretends the silent treatment doesn’t hurt, he’s used to it by now. 

He makes himself a bowl of cereal and takes a seat at the table, scrolling through his phone while eating so he looks busy instead of lonely. He’s just glad Kevin isn’t here, the other has been sending him glares whenever they see each other and occasionally bumps into Haknyeon at dance practice. Although he hasn’t been doing it as much lately, courtesy of Jacob. 

Haknyeon had overheard the two of them, conversing in English during a break from practice. Jacob had told Kevin to “knock it off and leave Haknyeon alone”, not taking no for an answer and Haknyeon thought he’d heard Jacob add something about how they should have expected his reaction. He hadn’t known what to think about that, somehow it made him feel a little queasy. 

It annoys Haknyeon that Jacob is trying to make things easier for him, being one of the few still speaking to him and trying to include him in group discussions. It makes it harder for Haknyeon to remember that Jacob is bad and that he should keep his distance from the other. 

Haknyeon gets pulled out of his thoughts at the scraping sound when Sunwoo and Changmin get up from the table and leave him by himself. He sighs as soons as he assumes that they can’t hear him and leans his head in his hands, elbows wearily placed on either side of his half-emptied bowl. He goes to throw the soggy remains of his meal away and washes his bowl. He takes the time to wipe down the counter and the table, enjoying having something to do with his hands. 

When he finally leaves the kitchen he almost collides with Juyeon who rushes past him towards the front door, it almost looks like the older is crying but Haknyeon can’t be sure. And before he knows it he hears the door slam shut, the sound echoing in the quiet. 

Before Haknyeon can gather himself enough to return to the solitude of his room, Chanhee comes out from his room and walks up to him. 

“Was that Juyeon leaving just now?”

Haknyeon just nods, trying to take in that this is the first thing Chanhee has said to him for weeks. The other thanks him before going out, presumably to follow Juyeon, though Haknyeon doesn’t understand what it’s all about.

Mentally shrugging, he returns to his room. The air is stale and his sheets could use some washing, hopefully it’ll keep him occupied until dinner, where Haknyeon will sit quiet while the others try their hardest to have normal conversations pretending nothing’s wrong. Jacob might try to talk to Haknyeon and this time he might answer. He thinks that at this point he probably should accept the peace offering, even if he won’t forget what caused the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are not always gonna be in a chronological order, but I'll try to make it clear in which order things happen. If anythings seems confusing, don't be afraid to tell me so I can fix it!^^ 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and I appreciate you!


	4. Juyeon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob's coming out from Juyeon's POV.

Talking to Indigo had gone from occasional to frequent, with Juyeon now spending most of his free time chatting to the other. He constantly worries that he is disturbing the other or talking too much but he just can’t help himself. 

They don’t talk exclusively about Juyeon’s sexuality crisis but about everything else as well. The one thing Juyeon keeps from Indigo is what he does for a living, outing himself as an idol could be dangerous, even if he trusts his new friend to a surprisingly high degree. Thankfully, Indigo doesn’t seem to care much for the subject of careers either so they have managed to stay clear of it so far. 

Juyeon has learnt much about Indigo, first of all that he’s a guy, which makes Juyeon’s heart beat in a new kind of way. He isn’t an idiot, he knows he is slowly but surely developing a crush on his online mentor. With a little more time, Juyeon suspects it could very well turn into something more than just a crush. 

Juyeon hasn’t told Indigo this, and he probably never will because in their relatively short time together, Juyeon has realized that he wants to keep Indigo in his life for a long time. He always offers Juyeon great advice, listens seriously to whatever he has to say and seems to be able to relate to anything Juyeon throws at him. 

Without mentioning the object of his affection, Juyeon confesses that he has a crush on a guy and Indigo is happy for him. Juyeon also tells him that he’s done some thinking and that he suspects that he’s gay rather than bisexual or anything else. 

Indigo assures Juyeon that it’s more than okay if he is and that it’s equally okay if he ever changes his mind and decides that he’s something else. But what really catches Jyueon’s attention is the brief, easy to miss, admittance that Indigo is currently also harbouring a crush on another male. The way Indigo sneaks it into the conversation makes Juyeon think that he might not wanna talk about it more so he doesn’t ask, even though he really wants to. Instead he tells Indigo that he’s gonna go to sleep and wishes the other a good night with the sweetest of dreams. 

He lies. 

He doesn’t go to sleep. 

He’s staring at the ceiling instead and wonders if his heart should be hurting this much because of a simple crush. 

~~~

It should have been a regular movie night, they’ve had lots of them in the past and the most dramatic event had been the time when Changmin had picked out a movie, not realizing its genre was horror, and the others had refused to let him change his mind halfway through when he understood his mistake, they had been too amused by his over-the-top reactions. 

So when Haknyeon is suddenly standing up, looking angrily at Jacob, Juyeon can’t quite process what’s going on. He sees Younghoon reach for the remote to pause the movie, silencing the room just in time for them all to hear Haknyeon’s scathing words. 

“I don’t want to be touched by a homo.”

Juyeon barely registers what’s happening next, Kevin holding Haknyeon up against the wall, Jacob’s terrified whisper that echoes in the room, the others’ confusion. And then…

“It’s like you heard, I’m gay.” 

Time seems to stop and Juyeon just nods as the others express their support around him, trying his best to make it seem like he isn’t there. He’s staring at the floor and tries to relax his fists since his nails are digging into his palms. He barely registers Chanhee’s hand on his knee and only moves once he realizes that everyone is leaving the room. 

Later that night, Juyeon is writing a long message to Indigo, telling him that a friend of his came out a few hours earlier. He describes the situation without mentioning any names or the fact that they all live together, instead making it seem like they’re just a large group of friends meeting up for movie nights sometimes. 

Indigo takes a long time to answer and Juyeon wonders if the other is already asleep. But just as he’s about to turn off his laptop and go to bed himself, the reply comes. Indigo tells him that he’s happy for his friend despite the bad reaction from their other friend and that he hopes the latter will come around. 

Juyeon doesn’t tell the other that he'll come out too, now that his friend has been brave enough. Despite the overwhelmingly positive reactions he'd seen he's still not ready. 

Indigo doesn’t ask. 

They talk about which snacks are mandatory for a movie night instead, ending in a playful debate regarding popcorn versus candy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I haven't abandoned this story, I'm just hitting a new writer's block after posting every new chapter so the writing progress is going really slowly.  
> But I managed to write two chapters in one sitting this time so I'll try to post the next one some time during the coming week, and it will hopefully not take too long to get the next chapter after that out too, I want to finish this before the new year and start planning the next one! 
> 
> I thank you all for reading, I'm glad you're here.


	5. Haknyeon & Jacob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haknyeon meets up with a friend and Jacob makes a boy fall for him.

“Hyung, sorry I’m late!” 

Haknyeon practically runs into the secluded corner of the café, removing the mask from his face as he sits down opposite his friend.

“It’s alright Haknyeon, I only just got here myself”, Seungkwan laughs easily and puts away his phone. 

They haven’t met up for quite a while, both having been pretty busy, especially Seungkwan trying to find a survivable balance between Seventeen promotions and his multiple personal schedules. 

They start off talking about their groups and competing in who currently has the most exhausting dance practices or gets the least amount of sleep. Typical idol stuff. Then they move on to more personal subjects, both wanting to make sure the other is still keeping his head above water. Haknyeon asks Seungkwan how his constant multitasking is going and believes him when the other assures him that things are going great at the moment, that he’s still breathing. 

Then Seungkwan asks Haknyeon if everything is as usual and Haknyeon has never had a poker face to brag about so before he manages to answer verbally Seungkwan asks what’s wrong. 

“Things have been a bit tense lately”, Haknyeon doesn’t know how much he dares to say about the situation, even he understands that he can’t out Jacob again. Even he can learn from his mistakes. 

But Seungkwan merely has to raise a brow at him to make Haknyeon open his mouth. Maybe it’s because he thinks Seungkwan will be sympathetic to his situation, or maybe it’s as simple as Haknyeon finally having someone willing to listen when he speaks. 

“It turns out one of our members isn’t exactly like the rest of us”, is what he opens with. And without mentioning who he’s talking about, he recounts the events from a few weeks back, not meeting Seungkwan’s eyes as he talks in a hushed tone to make sure no one else can hear him. Somehow, the story seems worse looking back on it, Haknyeon swallows down the small lump of guilt in his throat as he finishes. He really should have handled the whole thing differently, kinder.

Seungkwan is quiet for a minute and Haknyeon is carefully studying his face, trying to figure out what he’s thinking. 

“I didn’t know you felt like that about it.” 

The sentence is delivered in a tone so cold it makes chills run down Haknyeon’s spine. He immediately regrets telling the older anything and he wants to get up and run away. But something has him nailed to the chair and he has little choice but to listen to his friend. Seungkwan goes on to tell him exactly how he feels about people with his mindset and when Haknyeon for some reason tries to argue that “it isn’t right” he looks about ready to literally flip the table on him.

“Who are you to judge what’s right and wrong?” 

Haknyeon will remember these words when he’s sitting in the car on the way back to the dorm, having left the café after Seungkwan suddenly remembered he had somewhere more important to be after paying for both of their coffees since he’s a good friend before everything else.

Haknyeon couldn’t answer Seungkwan’s question when it was asked and he goes to bed that night without having gotten any closer to figuring out a reply. Because the truth is, Haknyeon doesn’t really know. He thought he knew. He’s known for a long time that being a faggot was wrong, that being gay wasn’t right. He thought everyone else knew that too, but now it’s becoming increasingly clear that Haknyeon is the odd one out here. 

It doesn’t make him change his mind but it makes him think. 

~~~

Jacob is sitting in the van waiting for Sunwoo to finish his shoot for some variety show so they can head to their next schedule together. Their manager had gone to see how long he had left and Jaocb was getting antsy from having sat still too long. He opens the door and decides to stretch his legs. He steps around the corner of the car and promptly crashes right into something. Next thing he knows, he’s sitting on the ground opposite another boy who looks to be around his age. Jacob apologizes and helps the other up before he gets hit by a slight wave of panic when he realizes who’s standing in front of him. 

“I.M. sunbaenim? I’m really sorry”, he reflexively tries to bow but a firm but soft grip on his arm keeps him upright. 

The older tells him not to apologize since he wasn’t paying attention either and before Jacob can protest he hears his name being shouted from afar. Both boys turn around to see Jacob’s manager hurry closer and when he reaches them he places himself in between them. Jacob doesn’t understand his behaviour at first but then he steps around him and informs his manager that he’s staring down an idol from an older group and not some kidnapper. 

His manager instantly bows and tells I.M. that he’s terribly sorry for the misunderstanding. Jacob feels bad for him but he can’t help but find it a little funny at the same time. They are soon joined by Minhyuk from Monsta X and his manager, both of whom I.M. had evidently been waiting for. Jacob realizes he hasn’t introduced himself and proceeds to do so before Sunwoo turns up and they say their goodbyes. 

Jacob gets in the car and sits down on the seat next to Sunwoo, burying his face in his hands with a loud groan as the embarrassment catches up to him. 

“What’s wrong with you?” 

He looks up at the other, red blossoming on his cheeks. 

“That was mortifying, I knocked him into the ground and then our manager mistook him for some kind of saesang.” 

When Sunwoo looks confused Jacob gestures out through the window to the van just passing them. He then punches Sunwoo on the arm when the other begins to laugh. 

“I gotta say hyung, you’re trying really hard to make the boys fall for you.”

Jacob punches him again and refuses to talk to him for the rest of the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> The second half of the chapter, Jacob's POV, has already been told from Changkyun's POV in my other story "Who's the one you think of night and day?" So if you're interested go check it out, from now on Jacob's POVs will be linked to that story.
> 
> I'll probably post the next chapter this weekend and then I'm gonna try to update at least weekly for the rest of the year (wish me luck^^)


	6. Juyeon & Jacob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets are leaked and numbers are exchanged.

Juyeon is good at being careful when he has to, he rarely makes serious mistakes. 

But it’s easy to be careless when you’ve been in practice all day and then stayed even later to improve your dance or song or whatever just a little more. One thing that has been drilled into every idol’s head is that there is no such thing as too much training. It’s a phrase that stays with you from your trainee days and keeps reminding you to give it your all, to never get too comfortable. 

When he finally gets home and manages to eat a half-decent dinner, Juyeon is tired. Add a shower to that and he’s barely keeping his eyes open. But he has to check his chat with Indigo, they’ve been talking every night lately and sometimes during the day if they’re both free. 

Sure enough, Indigo has already written to him, asking him in which order he thinks he would die during a zombie apocalypse if he was in a group of ten people. Juyeon can’t help but to let out a small chuckle. He loves Indigo’s random questions that the other throws at him occasionally when he least expects them. He thinks about it for a moment before answering “9” with confidence, claiming that he’s seen enough movies to know what not to do, but he would also not want to be the last one standing all alone. 

Indigo tells him that he would love to destroy his argument but that he has a feeling the other’s right, he also says that he is too loveable to kill off in the beginning, making Juyeon blush. Indigo then continues to proclaim that he would die as number eight, since someone would have to protect Juyeon and then make a heroic sacrifice to make sure the other would escape unharmed. 

Juyeon wants to tell him that he would be the one making the sacrifice, since he couldn’t stand to see the other hurt but he realizes that he’s sounding way too serious for a hypothetical scenario so he doesn’t say anything. 

Instead, he somehow falls asleep while trying to think of another topic, accidentally leaving his laptop open for the world to see. Indigo asks him after a few minutes of silence if he’s still there and when he doesn’t get an answer he writes a good night and leaves the chat. 

A few minutes later, someone enters the bedroom where the laptop lights up Juyeon’s sleeping face. The person snorts and removes the laptop from Juyeon before carefully placing him under the covers, knowing the other is a heavy sleeper. He then goes to close the laptop but takes a quick glance at the screen to make sure Juyeon wasn’t in the middle of something that he has to save or turn off. 

He only reads the last message but it’s enough to confirm his suspicions. 

When Juyeon wakes up the next morning, he’s a bit confused since he could’ve sworn he didn’t put his laptop on the desk next to the bed before he fell asleep. Then again, he was exhausted so he doesn’t entirely trust his own memory. He opens it up and reads the last message Indigo sent him last night. It’s a simple “goodnight” but with a small heart emoji attached to it, something Indigo has made a habit of using occasionally. It makes Juyeon smile and he knows the other didn’t mind him falling asleep mid conversation. He still feels a little bad though, so he sends the other an apology and, after much deliberation, adds a heart. 

~~~

Jacob couldn’t believe he’d had the guts to ask Changkyun for his number, and it was even more incredible that the other had willingly given it to him. On the way back from Changmin’s shoot with the other main dancers Jacob couldn’t stop staring at his phone, trying to figure out how he should start the conversation. 

“What’s so interesting?” Changmin reaches over to look curiously at the screen and manages to get a glimpse of the name before Jacob can angle it away from him. “Who’s ‘Changkyun-hyungie?’” The amusement is clear in his voice and Jacob wants to sink through the floor (whilst in a moving car? Ouch.) 

“It’s just a new friend”, he tries to pass it off as nothing out of the ordinary but Changmin isn’t dumb and the cogs have already started turning. 

“Changkyun… wait a minute. Isn’t that the maknae from Monsta X? I think I saw him at the shoot today.” Then Changmin gasps and his eyes glitter when he points an accusing finger at Jacob’s face. “Were you flirting while I was working? I thought you came to cheer me on.”

“Well I didn’t know he was gonna be there”, Jacob doesn’t realize how bad that sounds until it’s already left his treacherous mouth. 

Changmin doesn’t waste a second in pointing out that he didn’t deny the flirting and teases him for a good ten minutes before telling Jacob to just write him something already. After a dozen different drafts with an annoying group member hanging over his shoulder they have both agreed on a simple “it was nice seeing you again” and Changmin forces Jacob to add a smiley too.

And then they wait. 

And wait. 

Jacob checks his phone every ten seconds but Changkyun doesn’t answer and both he and Changmin don’t say anything until they reach home. Jacob is sure that he’s somehow managed to ruin his chances of ever becoming friends with Changkyun. That is, until he and Changmin are about to enter the dorm and his phone makes a sound. He opens it up and practically squeals when he sees it’s a message from Changkyun, saying how it was nice to see Jacob again as well. 

“I wish I could have gotten that on video”, Changmin laughs and shakes his head in disbelief. 

“If you tell anyone it’ll be the last you’ll ever do”, Jacob tries to sound menacing but he’s still somewhere between earth and cloud nine so he’s smiling through the threat. 

“Now help me with what to write next.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you like the story so far! 
> 
> I meant to post this yesterday but fell asleep before I could, oops xD Next chapter coming up on Saturday or Sunday!


	7. Jacob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob and Changkyun get closer.

“Changkyun?” 

Jacob just nods from his place on the couch, completely absorbed in typing away on his phone. 

“You’ve been talking a lot lately”, Kevin remarks with a smirk that goes unnoticed by the other and sits down next to Jacob, who shrugs nonchalantly. 

“We just have a lot in common”, Jacob sends the message and meets Kevin’s eyes. “We’re friends.” 

And they were. They had been talking for months, lately it had been a daily occurrence and Jacob was really enjoying their conversations. Changkyun was really funny once you got to know him and they shared the same sense of humour. Jacob had other friends in the idol community as well but Changkyun was quickly growing to be one he talked to most frequently. 

His ringtone interrupts his train of thought and he looks down to see Changkyun’s name displayed on the screen, _think of the devil._

“I’ve gotta take this”, he tells Kevin and heads to his room to answer it in privacy, ignoring Kevin’s pointed “uh huh” behind him. Once he’s closed the door behind him and takes a seat on his bed, he picks up. 

“I need you to help me get over someone” 

Jacob is taken aback at first, not expecting that to be the first thing Changkyun says. But he lets the other speak and just listens without interrupting him. He doesn’t know why but there’s something bothering him when Changkyun tells him about his crush on Kihyun and he tries not to think about it too much. 

“I’ve heard that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

Sometimes Jacob questions his mind and wonders why it seems to hate him. Thankfully Changkyun just jokes about his angel persona and Jacob is quick to assure him that he didn’t mean it literally. He tries to tell him that there are plenty of fish in the sea but Changkyun doubts it and proceeds to ask Jacob if he’s ever caught someone in that supposed sea. 

Jacob hesitates, this is new territory for them, neither really having mentioned past relationships before. But he wants to tell Changkyun, he doesn’t want there to be any secrets between them and - _woah where did that come from?_ Jacob shakes his head to get back on track and tells Changkyun all about Minseok, his boyfriend from his trainee days. How they were good friends and then started dating without anyone finding out. 

When he finishes up his story with how Minseok transferred companies and they broke up but are still on good terms and talk sometimes, Changkyun just says “huh”. 

“Huh? I tell you something I’ve never told anyone before and that’s your reaction?” Jacob is a bit disappointed by the mellow reaction. 

“I mean, I kinda expected it to end worse, so it was a bit anticlimactic I guess”, Changkyun admits. “Wait, you’ve never told anyone? Ever? What about your family, or group members?”

“It never came up.” Mostly because Jacob wasn’t out to anyone in the band then and his family was too far away. Minseok hadn’t been out to anyone besides Jacob and they also couldn’t afford to be found out by anyone in the company. So he’d never told anyone until now and it felt like letting go of a weight he hadn’t known he’d carried. He tells Changkyun as much and the other responds that he’s there if Jacob ever needs to talk, about whatever.

“Thank you, hyung”, Jacob says quietly and he doesn’t need to see his face to know his cheeks are tinted red. “I really appreciate it.”

~~~

Jacob and Changkyun have coffee together at Starship Entertainment and Changkyun congratulates him on their first win. Jacob meets Minhyuk again and realizes that the other has a gift when it comes to talking, but he seems really friendly and tells Jacob that he seems to be “good” for Changkyun, whatever that means. Then he tells Changkyun that he’s late for practice and leaves them. Jacob apologizes for talking so much, he knew he’d been pretty much monologuing but Changkyun thankfully doesn’t seem to mind and they say goodbye before heading their separate ways. 

Today, Jacob and Changkyun go for a walk along the Han river, eating ice cream as they talk about how nice it is to actually walk around outside like normal people instead of constantly staying inside a practice room or studio. Jacob offers to walk Changkyun to his company when the other has to leave and insists when Changkyun tells him that it isn’t necessary. Jacob wants to tell him that it’s for his own sake that he walks him back, he only wants to spend as much time with Changkyun as he can. But he doesn’t tell him, because he’s not sure how the other would interpret it. Jacob isn’t even sure how he means it.

Later that night, Sunwoo comes rushing into his room and practically shoves his phone in Jacob’s face. When he tries to ask him what he’s doing, Sunwoo only hisses at him to answer it, a look of bewilderment on his face. 

It’s Minhyuk, wanting to ask Jacob something about Changkyun. His thoughts immediately start running around in panic mode, trying to figure out what he could have done to cause Minhyuk’s worry. Is it about his and Changkyun’s friendship, had Jacob crossed some sort of line? 

But Minhyuk tells him that Changkyun has been acting weird lately and distanced himself from the rest of the members and that he seemed to keep something big from them. Jacob has no idea what that could be but he tells Minhyuk that Changkyun hasn’t called him as often lately. Sunwoo, who is sitting next to him, squeezes his knee to comfort him and Jacob wonders if the hurt in his voice is that obvious. 

Minhyuk then asks him if something happened earlier when they had been on their walk, since Changkyun had apparently been acting particularly strange after getting back. Jacob tries to think back on their conversation but can’t find anything that he thinks would have upset Changkyun but he tells Minhyuk that they had had a good time and he’d left Changkyun in a good mood.

Minhyuk thanks him for his help and apologizes for calling so late but Jacob feels like he hasn’t helped at all and he asks Minhyuk to tell him if there’s anything he can do to help Changkyun. 

“I’ll let you know”, Minhyuk says. “You’re a good friend, Jacob. Changkyun got lucky with you.”

Jacob blushes as he stammers his goodbye and hands Sunwoo his phone back.

“What was that about?” The younger asks curiously.

“I’m not too sure. But something’s up with Changkyun and I need to figure out what.”

Sunwoo smirks and Jacob can tell what he’s thinking, so before Sunwoo has the chance to say anything Jacob tells him that it isn’t like that, but he feels like the “he’s just a friend” is getting further and further away from the truth.

When Sunwoo leaves him alone, he creeps under the sheets and decides to call Changkyun tomorrow to try and figure out what’s going on. That is, if the other is willing to tell him.

At the very least Jacob wants to let Changkyun know that he’s there if he needs him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!
> 
> As mentioned before, if you're interested in Changkyun's POV of his and Jacob's story, it's in my other work; "Who's the one you think of night and day?"  
> I'm trying to make sense of everything from Jacob's perspective but if there's something that seems unclear it's probably because I know what's happening on Changkyun's end of things and I'm forgetting that Jacob doesn't know everything. So please tell me if there's anything that seems out of place or unexplained and I'll try to sort it out^^

**Author's Note:**

> It's here, the spin-off to my Monsta X series. This takes place before Jacob and Changkyun has met but will probably eventually catch up with the other series so Changkyun will be in this. Maybe the others as well, I haven't planned that far ahead yet (when do I ever?)
> 
> ALSO, have you guys seen Road to Kingdom?? The Boyz are absolutely killing it so far, and the other groups are amazing too!
> 
> Thank you for reading and I really hope you like it!


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